Artist's block.

So, I know that writer’s block is a real thing. And I’ve recently discovered that artist’s block is also real. I find that I’ve lost motivation to paint, to create. My momentum of the last few months has slowed to a crawl or really, less than a crawl. It’s stopped altogether. I’ve not been inside my studio (which is our 2^nd bedroom, the cats’ room and storage) to actually paint for a while. Well that’s not totally true. I walk in, look at the paintings and immediately walk out again, discouraged and deflated.

Disappointed.

But ya know, as with writer’s block, I believe the cure for this affliction that I’ve termed artist’s block is to show up. Even if I don’t have any idea what I’m going to create, just show up to the table, to the easel, to the page. The act of showing up does more than (or will do, I hope) making excuses or shoving the small inklings of inspiration back down into my gut (you see, I have had some inspiration, but I’ve ignored it, choosing to play games or watch tv instead.). I’ve not been listening to what I really want to do. To my bliss. That still, small voice does not get louder unless you pay attention and for a long time I was. And I was excited by what was happening to my art.

I’ve done some thinking on what may have been the root of my displeasure, my decrease of motivation. And really, I think that creative times come in waves. It was always going to decline, at least a little. The point that I missed was to not let it disappear altogether…to continue to show up, even if it was just to highlight or trace something, or play on paper that I would never sell.

The other piece of this situation is where my focus was when it comes to creating. I began thinking too much about selling, and not enough about just having fun and letting my quirky, fun side come through on the canvas. In essence I believe I was trying too hard, and things never work when I don’t let them flow.

I think I can trace the beginning of the decline of motivation back to the contest I entered at the beginning of the summer, and when I didn’t get chosen to go further in the contest. I was a tad heartbroken. Then, some other personal stuff happened.

Then I made some paintings that I didn’t really like, and didn’t know how to fix, and didn’t hide soon enough so that they didn’t draw me down (I do make stuff that I don’t like, and instead of try try try to make it work, I simply hide them so that I’m not super focused on them and can move forward with my work.).

Also, I was really hoping my etsy shop would take off and I’d be making steady sales by now. Instead, things are slow there, as well. I’ve decided to let go of that expectation and use etsy as a secondary piece of marketing, not a primary source. I’ve figured out that etsy users ‘heart’ your pieces and it may be because they like it or it may be because your piece was part of one of the forums. It feels false to me. So now, I’ve stopped using the forums. But I was still thinking about them and telling myself that they are what I needed to spend my time doing, and I got into the cycle of “you need to do this” and “but I hate it and don’t want to do it” and “guilt you’re bad”